|
Inspirations
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
[ << Previous 25 ]
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
2009.11.21 21.13
sometimes...
I just want to drink beer, watch NASCAR and argue with my father.
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2009.04.27 22.02
strange
So it has many moons since I've even thought about this. I have been wanting to take up journaling of some form for a while. I figured that doing it online would be easier and faster and lo and behold I stumbled upon this old thing. I probably should start a new account somewhere as so many things have changed, manly my attitude towards life, but I think it will be interesting to see the contrast as many of the same people still are a large part of my life. The spring semester of my second year at Green Mountain College is coming to a close and I am lost in so many thoughts and ideas and possibilities of what could be. I have been mostly up for the last few years and am grateful for so many things and for so many experiences. There are things I am not proud of, things that I wish were different or wished never happened at all. They are however, learning experiences and I have learned and grown from each and every one. I have not had a steady relationship for a while, something that makes me wonder about my internal stability. Perhaps I'm just at that place in my life where even though I won't admit it I just refuse to be bogged down with anything that I don't need to be. The past week has been rough as I take antibiotics to ward off whatever sickness that my body could no defend against. It has been hazy at least and I have just wanted to sleep. Nothing was accomplished, just more things piled up. Had an amazing weekend despite all of that as it was our annual Spring concert and everyone got to frolic all day in the bright sunshine in the beautiful Vermont outdoors. Last night I traveled to my old stomping ground of Saratoga, NY to Cafe Lena to see Anais Mitchell who is currently the love of my life as well as an amazing songwriter and singer. Maggie came along and I'm so happy she did as she is a refreshing does of reality and keeps me from being too serious and from going insane. I should return to doing work. Much to do before classes end next week. There is much to say to update on all that is happend that last two years. Be well and be blessed.
Music: Anais Mitchell
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2007.04.07 01.43
speaking in tongues would be easier?
arrive in the morning, leave in the night, before she wakes
before you have to remember how to live
being with nothing end with some, return with few
talking, being, giving, seeing, hating, loving
all the same
all day long i see your face, but your not there
where did you go?
when will you return?
forgive me?
what if i told you all the secrets
everyting about this place we call home
im so lost, i thought i had something but it faded before i really knew what it was
the sun shines, the wind blows, the snow comes
still i wait
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2006.10.09 22.23
poem in progress
My Princess
What is this that words cannot express?
Walking around in the beauty filled autumn afternoons
The feeling that surrounds me is one of grand ecstasy
I could never be bribed to think any less
Infinite grace I can write no justice
Thoughts swirl and fall with her breath
How the gods ache when she walks away
This could not be a dream, could it?
Love is all but too simple of word
Too understand how it feels, you must understand
At least the feelings I get when I see her
When she looks my way, flowers in hand
Forgive me for all that I say
For her to be anywhere else breaks me
She cannot know the extent of my love
For I have been starring at her for much too long
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2006.03.24 10.51
alright so i sort of gave up on this thing cause i really had nothing to talk about. over the past few weeks i have felt better about myself and just feel refreshed. if i had to use a word to describe i guess it would be calm. although i dont really think i can describe it. what's weird is that things arn't perfect or where i would even relly like them to be, but still i dont feel to strung out about it. school could be alot bettre but instead of feeling buried i am already starting to think about stratigies i can use to make it work better. i have no idea what is going on. all my relationships arnt in the best positions ever but still i dont feel it eating at me, i am still working at them just not from the bottom of some large ditch. i've been reading alot too. well alot for me, infact any reading for me could be considered a strange affair but i still carry on. i have learned more in the last couple months than i have in my whole high school education. not all of it is directly because of school either. alot of the reading i do is what i like to call "recreational" reading. my values and ideas have changed alot and most of the time im at odds with the norms of our culture but again i dont feel weird about it like i normally would have. in fact feeling the way i do about certain things makes for great conversation when otherwise it would not make its self possible. i'm trying to take everything moment by moment, otherwise i don't see how i can last with all the shit im supposed to do.
that is all i have for now. never stop thinking and learning, cause then life just gets boring
Mood:  good
Music: inner office bland radio station
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.12.14 19.33
Name 5 of lifes simple pleasures and then tag 5 others to do the same.
1)people
2)war
3)bush
4)pollution
5)the media
i dont believe in tagging people
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.11.10 11.35
things are going good. got alot going. big paper for my writing class. my peice for classical guitar. trying not to fail math. and trying to take the classes i want while the music departments flips out at me and tell me how stupid i am for not wanting to be a music major even though i never came to school to be one. anyways alot of shows coming up hopeing im able to get my school work done around all of them.
so long for now
Mood:  energetic
Music: dave matthews-some devil
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.10.12 23.19
distance
no ones breathing on this broken trampled street
and the highway is still dealing with that silent haunted heat
like a hum humbled wedding served with white wine
and in through the peep whole, 3 spoken prophets all in a line
hold my fear and whisper at dawn
of love lost in a distant land
of silent cries of children soft
of people all living under one man
'go out my disciples and do good deeds,
stab people in the back, just kill uhm please'
'i will not' utters the crazy man,
'im far to far to old for this unfaithful raid'
but the free and the brave have nothing to say,
just lost words and confusion is all they can pay
Music: me sucking at classical guitar
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.10.06 22.53
ive been walking and talking and breathing and sneezin, building and needing and feelin' and reelin' been smokin' and jokin' drinking thinkin. wondering and fumbling and dying.
i feel life is kind of like this, your born and you die. in between your just trying to make the best out of it. some people try to be happy by finding romance, using drugs, or searching for money. some people are eloquent and can get all 3. i guess im not that eloquent.
if i laid down and never got up whould anyone notice, would anyone care. would i even care? i feel so dry and so lame.
why did i do this to myself. why did i do this to you. you dont deserve it. im sorry, if you care at all. i just want to speak to you, hear your voice like you know a human would do.
fuck
Mood:  bored
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.10.02 23.20
you make me sick
I stagger not sure of what hall takes me to the room. Full of light but at the same time so dull. I see him in his humble hum speaking about suicide and a wanted war. “Hey man, perched up in your chair” I try to speak but no words come out o this numb body. I continue to think in my upside down head about how rough and transposed he really looks. “Do you like your power, do you even really care?” He is casting his thoughts and ideas like everyone should grab onto a rope that he says is safe to climb. You’re unfaithful to us all. You’re like a dog with a chain, there at feeding time but lost when society grinds and babies cry. When buildings bomb and shotguns wail. When wells dry and personality escapes. You in all are useless. Get down I say from you bronze step. May it have no shine every time you look at it. You’re not what you think and your not who you are. If I were you, in your blood soaked shoes, I would run against the pounding current of what you have become. I say for a final spell, why are you allowed to kill young folks and the innocent as well. I’m protesting your disease with my head held high. I’ve got my own army and we’ve sure had enough.
make food not bombs
Mood:  annoyed
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.09.30 09.30
the time is near, the missions clear...
i could walk these walls if i really wanted. sitting in this silo makes my head spin. if it wasn't so cold id be laughing in the rain. wake to the smell of fresh propane seeking its way in. 'don't light a match' is all i can think. why would i light one any way, its not my time to go.
at work. got here at 9 and there was a note from my boss from 8:30 saying, 'Keith, I'm in a meeting untill ??? Be back ??? You can do ??? Until ??? Good Luck. Mike???' so here i sit doing nothing but i dont mind where else would i be anyways. i have so many questions and im so far behind. i'm just gonna keep trying to find out
Mood:  okay
Music: Like a rolling stone-bob dylan live 1966
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.09.26 22.25
it has been brought to my attention that i should update, here goes nothing
i should update though to let everyone know whats going on with me if people even care. but yeah things are great here up in glens falls. my apartment is all set up and i am accepting visitors so please come on by, let me know and ill give you direction. school wise things are alright. my music classes are decent nothing too amazing but it keeps me happy. im taking aural skills, music theory, conducting, and keyboard harmony. im taking a math and an english which i hate cuase there pointless and a waste of time. there nothing better than a high school class. but intro to anthropology is awesome all we do is sit there and listen to a guy lecture using a power point but its actually really really intresting and i dont et too bored. it gets kind of boring coming home to an empty place with no one around. it is good to talk to people on aim or on the phone but its not really the same. i do have friends well i hope they consider me sometihng. theres ryan who is a music major but not in my classes and he invited me to play in his punk band project type deal. not a full band were still down a bassist. but hes a cool guy. then theres chad im not sure what hes doing at acc but he is in the guitar lesson before me and i always run into him and hes been wanting to get together to play so i can help him with guitar. its weird having someone ask me for guitar tips cause everyone at home just gives me a hard time for sucking but things are differnt out here. its weird iving in a city too or atleast its more so than delmar is. my driving skills have improved i have a much quicker reaction time. siriens go off here at least once a day if not twice a day. i dont know anyone really so everyhones a stranger which is really different for me. some of you who know me well know that i usually cant go anywhere with out running into soomeone i know, youd probably be suprised up here when i dont know anyone. righ tnow im watching dylan on tv pbs 9-11 tonight and tommrow. so watch it.
alright im out for now
nice to update you folks
Mood: lonely
Music: Dylan on TV
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.09.05 19.04
this has all been wonderful but now im on my way...
Music: Down With Disease - Phish (Denver, CO. 11.17.97)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.08.29 20.08
Bob Dylan is the fucking shittttttt
Music: Bob Dylan - John Wesley Harding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.08.27 21.55
what is there to say about lying in a coffin while your body slowly decays, or atleast your mind. I want to leave. Im tired, tired of so much. so much trivial matter in such a small space. all these people in this town living what seem such pointless lives. 9-5 everyday are you really living or just being part of existence. i want to live, i want to be, i want to be happy. stop peering, stop watching im not yours, i am my own. I am all i have you have no say, i dont want to be you anyway. forget my past it means shit to mean only disease that never cured in my mind. pour me a glass of wine and leave me be.
fight
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.08.18 01.10
thinking
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.08.04 00.28
so alone in my hole
hope no one knows
where were you tonight my friend
i need you more now
i'll sing a song for you my love
and send you a dove
and turn your head to the sky deep blue
see the stars sparkle for you
for you theres nothing i would not do
for you i've got little do
oh for you
there you are my precious friend
i'll carry you in the end
wipe those tears out from your eyes
it's way to early to cry
and call your dad tonight
and kiss your mom
for in a flash all wrong could strike
and you'll be gone
for you theres nothing that i would not do
all for you
oh for you
and you wear his ring
like it ain't no thing
where will be 13 years
will you have something fear?
in you i do confide
i've got nothing to hide
the more you dream
the better off youll seem
for you...
oh for you...
for you...
apologies are just excuses
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.07.16 21.56
what is about day trips that make them feel longer than a day? I feel like i've been away for a week when really it's only been 14 hours. I had no problem with the traveling and the length of the trip or who i meet when i got to the destination, it was more of a not wanting to be with in breathing distance of someone who your not related to and dont really want to be and around another you haven't spoken to all summer, and another who can be very kind but turns around in second with a mighty swipe. Maybe i just need to get away just with myself. I dont know though i feel so alone surrounded by people why would i want to get away from them. Part of me wants to rip my eyes out with a pair of pliers just to see what i would feel like, but in the most none self hurting form. People are so hard to understand it only seems that by some luck and good timing can i really get people and for them to get me. Even people who know me quite well dont seem to know anything at all. I miss being normal, i miss being me. what if this is me, with my thoughts floating into space. I can view things but not really see them. Touch things but not really feel. and hear things but not really listen. Do I have a disease or is this just life. What if the universe was really my home and not this funky little town. Can god have a place in me when I don’t even know what is in me. I feel so lost. So confused. I just wish it would end.
I dream myself a thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place
-dmb
Music: Grey Street- Dave Matthews Band
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.07.06 22.30
updating
sitting within myself trying to figure out what to think and how to breath. if i had all the answers to the reason for my emotional block from the world i wouldnt be having this problem. i feel separated from society and people around me. maybe its a good thing maybe i dont really need to be a part of this world maybe im blessed with the ability to see beyond the stupidity of a normal day and not have to worry about dumb stuff but at the same time maybe im below everyone and dont really know what life is about. I dont know i dont really want to conform with society for the most part they dont seem to be headed in the right direction. like id rather be making a difference for my career even if it meant not making alot of money but i feel this pressure, no idea where it comes from (sarcasm), to have a job that makes money and not really focused on what im actually doing. whatever its annoying and i still have a long time to figure out what i want to do with my life
i'm sorry for being annoying and not talking much but i feel better now and hope that your still happy
:) lost without you
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.06.26 23.48
"you just can't skip out on religion"
been just so drained. but i believe with every fall there is a climb so ive been waiting and willing to do what i need to. thanks for talking with an amazing person i feel better about life and myself. its just so hard to look past certain things in my life and be able to see the true beauty. i just need time to adjust to where my life is going and to get comfortable at being able to steer it.
Mood:  contemplative
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.06.25 12.08
party time
time to go party hopping. got to grab a couple of cards for people. last night was alright i ended up with a sick kite and a set of webcams, AWESOMMEEEEEE. There better not be alot of underclassmen swarming at these parties they only sort of get annoying. but whatever if they want to pretend to be cool and feel important they can do it just be respectful.
alright gotta get going
see ya later
:)
Mood: blah
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.06.23 18.02
done with school, i have nothing more to do. I have learned and done what i needed to and it is time to move on. anxious to take my high school diplomia and take it home with me and never have to worry about high school stupidity again. excited for the summer and what it can bring. dave will be amazing along with the other many concert oppurtunities coming. i am going for now
:)
Mood: happy
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
2005.06.20 10.57
I PASSED!!!!!
yeah so i passed my presentation so that means i can graduate with my class. so thats nice. So all i need to do is got my time sheets together and update my internship journal and ill be all set. Im pretty excited. Can't wait to graduate and lose all ties with taht crazy school. oh so nice. thats it for now im really hungry but i think im meeting my dad for lunch. ill catch ya later
:)
Mood: excited
Music: Beck- Debra
|
|
|
|
|
[ << Previous 25 ]
[ My Website ]
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thwho2's journal